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WAV File – 16 kb |
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[Inside Richard Kronfeld's lab/lab]
Richard Kronfeld: I have an Apple IIe here. It's a good machine; I mean it does the job. |
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WAV File – 88 kb |
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Troubled grown-up man: I was four years old and I saw this silver basketball on the ground. It wasn't hovering, but there was smoke underneath and there were blinking lights all around. A square opening, with a grid opened up and they wanted me to put feces into it, and that's what I did! It has haunted me all my life. |
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WAV File – 18 kb |
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Richard Kronfeld: [dictating a speech to a voice-compressor gizmo] I am honored to be abducted by your advanced technological society. |
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WAV File – 33 kb |
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Psychologist: Many skeptics often say, "How could you possibly have forgotten something so dramatic, or so life changing?" but the human mind can do that. |
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WAV File – 79 kb |
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Insurance Salesman: We've offered a 10 million dollars UFO abduction insurance policy [...] We have different types of coverage. Our first coverage is medical coverage and that includes all our patient's psychiatric care, because we assume there's a readjustment period for something like that.
Richard Kronfeld: But what about people who want it, like I myself would like to get abducted? What about people like me?
Insurance Salesman: We could rewrite our policy for you. |
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WAV File – 18 kb |
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Richard Kronfeld: It's incredible to think that 50 years ago this may have been the site where they found a ship. |
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WAV File – 7 kb |
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Richard Kronfeld: Nobody from Minnesota ever gets abducted. |
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WAV File – 28 kb |
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Richard Kronfeld: Every year I enter the Hopkin's Raspberry Festival parade and I drive my Captain Pike chair from Star Trek. |
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WAV File – 32 kb |
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Richard Kronfeld: I guess, when your son says "I wanna get abducted by aliens" maybe that's a little bit... maybe that is a lot for a parent to handle. I don't know, I've never parented. |
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WAV File – 77 kb |
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Richard Kronfeld: Today I found out that lots of famous people have gone on record has having sighted UFOs: Alexander Hamilton, Winston Churchill, John Lenon and Jimmy Carter. William Shatner said that he was once rescued by aliens when he was lost in the Mojave Desert. With high-profile testimonials like these, how could anyone still be skeptical? |
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WAV File – 67 kb |
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[Cheesy TV spot.]
Phony Midwest guy: Well, not too long ago Roswell was paid a visit by them aliens from above.
Aliens: Greetings Earthling. We have traveled far to consume mass quantities of dehydrated meat particle...
Phony Midwest guy: Oh, you mean our beef jerky!
Aliens: Place them in containers that we can return through the interstellar time-barrier on TwarJar.
Phony Midwest guy: That's how word got around about Super Meat Mart deeelicious beef jerky.
Boy: Oh grandpa! |
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WAV File – 28 kb |
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Richard Kronfeld: Looks a lot like an X-Wing fighter from Star Wars. Is it based on that?
Honest salesman: Everything... we just put alien in it, it sells. |
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