Palmer Strickland: Nero.
Lenny Nero: Strickland.
Palmer Strickland: Commissioner Strickland!
Lenny Nero: Yeah, whatever. See, since you shit-canned my career, I don't even have to call you sir, it's was of life's small pleasures.
Talk Radio Host: Now, just so the, the rest of us knows how much time is left, when is the rapture supposed to hit exactly? Is it midnight New Year's Eve?
Lori from Encino: That's right.
Talk Radio Host: Aha. Is that midnight L.A. time or, or Eastern Standard Time, or what? I mean, what time zone is God in anyway?
Lenny Nero: Have you ever been in love with someone who didn't return that love?
Lornette "Mace" Mason: Yeah, Lenny, I have.
Lenny Nero: It didn't stop you from loving them, right? Or being able to understand them or forgive them?
Lornette "Mace" Mason: I guess.
Palmer Strickland: You're a disappointment, Nero. But you know what disappoints me more?
Lenny Nero: Your sex life?
Lenny Nero: I didn't know you were color blind, Max.
Max Peltier: It was the only way I could stand your ties.
Jeriko One: You know what? You've pulled over the wrong black man, Officer Steckler! I'm the 800 pound gorilla in your mist, fucker! I make more money in a day than you make in a whole year! And my lawyer loves sending sorryass Aryan RoboCop fuckers like you to jail!
Jeriko One: You're gonna be in my next song. It's called "RoboSteckler." It's about a cop who met his worst nightmare: a nigga with enough political juice to squash your ass like a stinkbug! You gonna be famous, fucker!
Jeriko One: You love that red, white, and blue, but you hate that black, black, black.
Max Peltier: Cheer up. The world's about to end in ten minutes anyway.
Lenny Nero: This is not like "TV-only-better" ... this is life.
Lenny Nero: See ... I can get you what you want, I can. I can get you anything, you just have to talk to me, you have to trust me. You can trust me, 'cause I'm your priest, I'm your shrink ... I am you main connection to the switchboard of he soul. I'm the magic man ... Santa Claus of the subconscious. You say it, you think it, you can have it.
Lenny Nero: This tie cost more than your entire wardrobe ... it's the one thing that stands between me and the jungle.
Lenny Nero: Two million years of human evolution and that's the best idea you can come up with.
Lenny Nero: Look ... everyone needs to take a walk to the dark end of the street sometimes, it's what we are.
Lenny Nero: Bullet-resistant? What ever happened to bulletproof?
Max Peltier: He's still workin' the party... actin' smooth like nothin's nothin'.
Lenny Nero: This is what we laughingly refer to as a plan, right?
Lornette "Mace" Mason: This is your life, right here, right now! It's real-time, you hear me, real time! Time to get real, not playback. You understand me?
Faith Justin: I like the feeling of someone watching me.
Tick: One man's mundane and boring existence is another man's Technicolor.
Lenny Nero: I am the magic man. I am your link to the subconscious. I have what you want. I can get you what you can't have.
Lornette "Mace" Mason: Memories are meant to fade. They're designed that way for a reason.
Philo Gant: Paranoia is reality seen on a finer scale.
Lenny Nero: His ass is so tight, when he farts only dogs can hear it.
Max Peltier: The issue is not whether you are paranoid, look around you Lenny, the issue is whether you are paranoid enough.
Philo Gant: The only time a whore should open her mouth is when she is giving head.
Faith Justin: One of the ways movies are still better than playback: the music comes up, and you know it's over.