Chet Donnelly: Do you realize that it is snowing in my room, goddammit!
Chet Donnelly: You're stewed, buttwad!
Wyatt: You know Gary, for the first time in my life; I don't feel like a total dick.
Gary: You know, I can't believe this, Wyatt. I'm so disappointed in us. I mean, all our lives we've been saying how great it would be if we went to parties, right? And now it's our party and we're in the john. We're in the john!
Gary: We're in.
Wyatt: We're in trouble Gary. This is highly illegal.
Gary: We need more input. We gotta fill this thing up with data. We gotta make her as real as possible, Wyatt. I want her to live. I want her to breathe. I want her to aerobicize.
Gary: Mom, I never toss off to anything!
Mom: [crying] You told me you were combing your hair!
Gary: But I was, I was!
Wyatt: Gary, by the way, why are we wearing bras on our heads?
Lisa: So, what would you little maniacs like to do first?
Lisa: You okay?
Gary: Well, my nuts are halfway up my ass, but other than that, I'm perfect!
Dino: Hello, pretty lady. Tell me something, what's a beautiful braud like you doing with a malaka like this, huh?
Lisa: It's purely sexual.
Dino: No shit.
Gary: She's into malakas, Dino.
Gary: Maybe it was a dream, you know, a very weird, bizarre, vivid, erotic, wet, detailed dream. Maybe we have malaria.
Chet Donnelly: I'm gonna tell Mom and Dad everything. I'm even considering makin' up some shit!
Gary: I want to see her aerobicize.
Lisa: If you ever get the chance, shower with them. I did. Mmm, it's a mind scrambler. Hurts so good.
Chet Donnelly: How 'bout a nice greasy pork sandwich served in a dirty ashtray?
Chet Donnelly: You two donkey-dicks couldn't get laid in a morgue.
Gary: This isn't my car. This isn't my suit. Those weren't even my friends.
Hilly: Why are you telling me this?
Gary: Because I want you to like me for what I am.
Hilly: Whatever you are, I like it.